Or my body’s, since my soul no longer exists. (If it ever did.) Why did Torquemada choose to spare me from death? Was he ‘sparing’ me at all? Or did he think that un-death was the greater punishment for one of my ilk? He certainly was impassioned when he bit me, enflamed. I can still feel his hot breath on my neck, smell the stench of his arousal. (Do I smell like that when I’m aroused?) I’m sure he was as insatiable then, as I am now. Eternal desire housed in a mortal body, a dead body, unable to feel, unable to find release, yet driven by a compulsive spirit to seek it out, always, everywhere, forever. This is the true curse of the vampire, continually desirous of both flesh and blood (female flesh and blood in my case, male in Torquemada’s) but never satisfied by either. We act, we perform, we function, but without satisfaction. Not that I didn’t find satisfaction often enough (too often?) when I was alive. At least I have the vivid memory of what satisfaction felt like. Vivid. Take her in, Alexand tell her what to do. I'll explain everything after the shoot,Victoria, I promise."We went up a step and through the door that we had stopped outside. Itled into the Chapel of the country house. It was a small and intimatespace with six pews on each side of the central aisle and made muchsmaller by all the filming equipment inside. The pews were alreadyfilled by men and women all very smartly dressed, some a littleoverdressed, I thought. We went to the front pew on the right wherethere were two men already sitting."This is Victoria, your mother," she said to the man on the right, "andthis is Steve, the Best Man," she said indicating the man on the left,"although that has yet to be proved!" Now," she said to me, "all you have to do is act like you do at aregular wedding. Sit here, next to Steve and think about how you canlook the most glamorous that you can, sexy if you like, flirt withSteve if you want, but feel relaxed. Then, the Wedding March willstart.
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